Entry 02: Nothing To Envy

There is not sufficient space in a short article, or a long article, or a book, or indeed an entire library, to succinctly describe the depth and permutations of crazy that preside within the shifty confines of the Northern half of the Korean peninsula. I was reminded of this recently when my friend showed me a video recording of "The Song Of The General Kim Jong Il". The catch was that this particular rendition had been captured pursuant to its broadcast from orbiting North Korean satellite, Kwangmyongsong-2. The result is that it sounds Hilarious. Of course, its still better than Labrinth, but that's beside the point. I mean what was the plan, play the tune to aliens so they can form some intergalactic alliance. Whatever gets the Western devils obliterated, I suppose.The launch was all part of the new space initiative, the kind that countries like the United States or China employ.


But of course North Korea isn't much like America. In fact while America has an obesity epidemic, North Korea has historically suffered horrific standards of living, or rather has had horrific standards of living imposed. North Korea was and currently is a nation ruled not by a leader but a deity, starting with Kim Il Sun, and going through to Kim Jong Il, who, besides Looking At Things and Dropping The Bass, spent his reign being unbelievably modest, coining such quirky titles as 'Guiding Sun Ray', 'Beloved Father, and 'Dear Leader, who is a perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have'. While Captain Korea was busy receiving all these wordy and slightly incongruous namesakes, his country was busy falling apart. Following the fall of the Soviet Union, and the subsequent withdrawal of crucial financial aid, the economy made like a Jezza Kyle guest, and Didn't Fucking Work. The 1990s saw a deep and terrible famine scour the country. As described in Barbara Demick's excellent book, Nothing To Envy, the majority of the population were forced to eat grass and tree bark to scrape an existence. Of course the authorities couldn't really deny this one, so went ahead and gave it an uplifting name, the Arduous March, as opposed to the more honest We Dropped The Ball On This One Guys. The death toll is estimated at around 2 million. The reason that is an estimate is because the actual number isn't known, on account of there being no official figure, because there was no official register kept. The famine peaked in 1997; to put that in perspective, at the same time as a famine that claimed millions of lives, half way round the world, Season 4 of Friends was aired, The Spice Girls were No. 1 in the States, and Radiohead had just released OK Computer. And the contained madness that is the Korean Republic seems unlikely to stop anytime soon.


Indeed, the very particular blend of crazy prevalent in North Korea is alive and kicking, as made obvious by the recent succession of his exultant lardy-ness Kim Jong-Un. The news showed footage of him podging along some parade, as thousands of onlookers screamed and sobbed in equal measure, whilst some soldiers marched and saluted, and some trucks with big rockets on the back of them parked in neat lines to either side. The spectacle was just so weird, the whole thing felt like a particularly perverse Lady Gaga video, the illusion heightened by the walkway closely resembling a fashion catwalk. Though Jong-Un neglected to incorporate a raunchy turn as he reached the end of the pavilion. Basically he went for the classic 'Police state' look, which is a bit of a let down, since his old man, and his grandad, Kim Il Sung did pretty much the same thing. He could have done something a bit different, maybe Cops and Robbers, or something like that. And it looks like Kim Jong is going to play copycat in more ways than one, apparently showing a similar blind eye for the suffering of his people, and a similar keenness for trolling the international community, having already managed to piss off his neighbours by attempting to casually launch a long-range missile into orbit. While in its inception the Northern peninsula was the more affluent of the two, forming an impressive industrial basis. But over time the Nation state has only become poorer, and it was speculated in the late 90s that the country simply had to cease. North Korea on the turn of the century simply could not go on. But yet it did. And it seems that it will continue to, with crippling hardship remaining at the heart of the Noth Korean experience.


And yet on top of all this hardship, there continues a certain air of hilarity prevailing around the weird little dictatorship. Like the absurdity of the 2010 World Cup, where 'cheer squads' were recruited to sit amongst the crowd during North Korean games to make everyone that bit louder and that bit preppier. Of course it was pretty obvious; they all wore similar coloured clothing, and all sat in the same stands. Though it is  unconfirmed whether they partook in the Mexican wave. I'd risk it and say probably not. And it's just going to keep going. Like a spinning top of insanity. Its like one of the totems out of Inception, when they are in the dream world and spin continuously, but instead it's a shady nation state ruled by a pint sized crazy called Kim Jong-Un. Can there ever be a change? I mean despite the postulations of the Authorities, the Republic is not a democracy. It is a single party nation, ruled by a single family; essentially a Feudal getup. So how can there be any change? I suppose all you can hope is that  the country falls through, for good, and something new can be done. But it is more likely they will blow some shit up with all those fancy rockets they got on account of them not needing to buy anyone any food, rather than doing anything like achieving progress. South Korea, with its Samsung phones, K-Pop, and love of Starcraft II, will welcome the day.